3 years ago, I experienced a miscarriage. This is a common experience but in my case, It was transformative in many ways. In my case, I was emotionally attached to having 4 children and practiced all the manifestation magic that had been taught to me over the years. ‘Ask and it is given’ was certainly my committed practice when it came to having a fourth child. When I became pregnant for the fourth time, I was filled with gratitude but also not too surprised because all my attention was placed on my intention.
As the weeks moved ahead, my healthcare appointments were regular and smooth. I had been blessed with 3 healthy pregnancies before this one so I had complete expectation that this one would be the same. As I smiled and flowed into my second ultrasound, I was filled with love and excitement to see lively images of a little angel growing inside my womb. When the technician said no words other than ‘I’m just going to run upstairs and grab your practitioner’, I knew there was something off.
A few minutes later, my physician came down and explained that there was no heartbeat. This was absolutely unexpected and I now understand the stages of grief more compassionately from this experience. I could simply not believe it! I had experienced many things in my life, but I had never experienced denial to this degree. When I got to the hospital, the healthcare workers were deeply loving and compassionate. They gave me so much time to process and even allowed me to get 2 more ultrasounds at the hospital to assure me that there was no heartbeat. I was just certain that there just had to be a heartbeat. The physician stayed after her shift to be sure she was there for me and could be the one to conduct my surgery. I have so much gratitude in my heart for her to this day.
As the post miscarriage weeks went by, I reached out to one of my favorite spiritual guides (and author of one of my favorite spiritual books) Dr Norma Milanovich. When we spoke, she shared that this soul’s purpose was to bring me a dose of grace and help support my heart chakra opening up to higher levels of unconditional love. This soul was only meant to be here for a few months- but had big work to do! I was to receive a shower of grace over and my entire body- that was the destiny for this soul. Dr. Norma mentioned that the grace brought into my being and auric field could simply not have been done on my own.
Instead of experiencing a miscarriage, I had experienced an infusion of deep grace in my life. I have never experienced grief like this before but once this settled and I made peace with the experience, I felt the restructuring that had happened in my body and in my life.
I let go. Something released. I was different.
I felt cosmically connected to all souls. I graduated to a higher frequency. It wasn’t easy but it was peaceful.
There is huge work happening on the planet at this time, some souls have massive work to do but are not necessarily supposed to fully express in the physical realm. Making peace with the infinite and the cosmic mysteries is not a job for the intellect but for the heart. This experience was given to me to open my heart chakra and quiet my mind. This soul was here to teach me more about the invisible realm than the visible one. This soul was here to train me in heart harmonics and compassionate connectivity. This soul was never meant to incarnate into the physical realm outside of the womb- I was the one who had attachments and expectations that this was her destiny. This soul did more work in a few months for me than I can find language for.
I am sending so much love to all of you who are experiencing loss right now. I do believe that many souls understand that they can make more magic happen from the other side- we just have to open higher chakras and keep the communication flowing with them.